Judge: Did you steal the oranges?
Accused: yes, but it was a mistake.
Judge: So, you accept your mistake?
Accused: Well, I thought the oranges were fresh, but they were not.
Mary: Mum, are my ancestors monkeys?
Mum: I dont know. I have never met your fathers family members.
Spend more than I earn
Mrs Lie: Why are we so poor?
Mr Lie: Because I work five days a week and you spend seven days a week.
Andrew was taking part in a karate competition for the first time.
Referee: Remember to shake hands.
Andrew: I dont need to remember that. My hands are shaking already.